i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
