On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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