you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
