Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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