Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
