Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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