Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize