Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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