dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
