whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
