mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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