Sponge bath it is.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
