Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
