judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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