someone get that fucking seahorse.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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