well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Couch. On fire.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
