every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
