how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
