4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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