I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
