he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You're like the curious george of whores
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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