Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
