Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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