have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My dick has a subreddit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
