Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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