The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
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You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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