as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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