Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

My mind says no, but my body says yes.

(703): View more from Virginia

What does your body say about chlamydia?

Fav 17 887 3274
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(248): View more from Michigan

Her vagina should come with caution tape.

Fav 9 1005 4681
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(440): View more from Ohio

I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.

Fav 6 1338 3498
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(870): View more from Arkansas

He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

Fav 11 7428 1905
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(336): View more from North Carolina

dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!

Fav 4 1052 637
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(616): View more from Michigan

If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out

(417): View more from Missouri

You'd think the first few times would have been enough

Fav 10 905 1778
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(705): View more from Ontario

My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.

Fav 16 2370 721
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(425): View more from Washington

I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.

Fav 1 167 105
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(318): View more from Louisiana

We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!

Fav 3 124 18
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