Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
