His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
