I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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