i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
