I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
