talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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