Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
