I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
