I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
