someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
