I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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