Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
