I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
