what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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