Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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