At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
