He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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