We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
