she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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