Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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