I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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