I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
