Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
