I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
