I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
