dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fill condoms, not promises.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
