You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
