At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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