Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
