i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
