I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
