My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you will always have a special place in my vag
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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