I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
