went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
