I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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