Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
