i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
