BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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