my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
