We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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