Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
