i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
