He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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