No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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